Dalena van der Westhuizen, a cognitive development specialist, answers a mother's question about what not to do when parenting her 8-year-old daughter with ADHD. This advice offers clear, practical 'don'ts' to help create a more supportive and effective home environment for the whole family.
A Parent’s Question on ADHD
“What are some important “don’ts” for dealing with my eight-year-old daughter with ADHD?” – Bianca du Toit
Dalena’s Advice: 5 Things to Avoid When Parenting a Child with ADHD
Hi Bianca,
That is a crucial question. Knowing what to avoid is just as important as knowing what to do when parenting a child with ADHD. Often, traditional discipline can be ineffective or even counterproductive. The key is to shift your approach from punishment to support. Here are five important “don’ts” to keep in mind, especially when considering ADHD in girls, which can present differently.
- Don’t Criticise or Punish Symptoms
Avoid punishing behaviours that are direct symptoms of her ADHD, such as forgetfulness, disorganisation, or fidgeting. These are not signs of defiance but a part of how her brain is wired. Instead, work with her on management strategies. This is one of the most important ADHD discipline strategies to adopt. - Don’t Overwhelm with Too Many Instructions
Giving a long string of commands can be overwhelming. Break down tasks into smaller, single steps and give one instruction at a time to ensure she can process and complete it successfully. - Don’t Neglect Positive Reinforcement
It can be easy to fall into a cycle of only pointing out mistakes. Make a conscious effort to notice and praise her efforts and achievements, no matter how small. This method of positive parenting for ADHD builds self-esteem and motivates her. - Don’t Ignore Her Need for Routine
Structure and predictability are calming for a child with ADHD. Avoid sudden or frequent changes to her daily schedule, as this can cause anxiety. A consistent routine helps her know what to expect, which is especially helpful when homeschooling a child with ADHD. - Don’t Allow Her to Become Isolated
Social interactions can sometimes be challenging. Proactively encourage positive social experiences, whether through structured playdates or extracurricular activities. You can find helpful resources and support networks through organisations like the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), which provides information on ADHD.
Extra Information
Remember that ADHD presents differently in everyone. While these are general guidelines, it’s also important to learn your daughter’s specific triggers and needs. Reputable international organisations like CHADD offer extensive resources that can help you understand the nuances of ADHD and find strategies tailored to your family.
What are your go-to “don’ts” for parenting a child with ADHD? Share your wisdom in the comments below and subscribe to our weekly newsletter for more helpful advice.